How to Avoid Being Attacked By A Mushroom

Eat your 3 meals a day! That would be breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Or breakfast, dinner, and supper if you grew up with me in Maine.

It seems New York City's Albert Einstein College of Medicine at Yeshiva University is reporting that by listening to what your Mom said, you can avoid mushroom attacks... okay, actually not really mushrooms, but the smaller, less-understood, somewhat-less-exciting-for-a-blog-post, fungi.

By keeping our normal 98.6º internal temperature, we can fight off any fungal nasties that are looking to take up residence in our bodies. That high of a temperature keeps the majority of fungi attackers at bay. By keeping our food intake up, we are replenishing ourselves with the proper energy to prevent these invasions. The study also suggests that this could be a factor in why mammals rose to dominance after the dinosaur extinction. (Which of course is just a prelude to the day when fungi rise to dominance and throttle us out in the woods - that picture to the left is quite accurate.)

Editors note - That last sentence is not actually part of any study conducted by the good folks at the Albert Einstein College, just a prediction made by most scholars bloggers in the know.

Matango, Part 3: What's Out There?

When we last left our 7 shipwrecked seafarers, they had just explored an abandoned ship on the island and had come across a HUGE mushroom stored in an old crate. Not intimidated, they decide to split up to see what the island has to offer. Food? Hopefully. Other humans? Perhaps. Really scary, murderous, mutant mushrooms with bumpy heads wearing bog-stained clothes and smelling real bad? Well not yet.

We start our viewing at about the 37 minute mark.

Mr. Yoshida is sent high above the rocky cliffs to light a fire, in hopes that his smoke signals will be seen by a rescue party. Unfortunately he doesn't seem to make all that much of an effort and begins to do what most of us would do in this situation - hallucinate about a 60's nightclub where folks drink single malt scotch and smoke.

The two women are sent out to gather water. They kind of bumble around a bit, not really doing anything too useful.

Meanwhile, two of the other men go hunting. Along the way they make the first of their odd discoveries - shards of mirror strewn atop the jungle floor. Why would anyone break and dispose of a mirror out here? Hmmm.... Soon, they sight a seagull flying high above their heads... but it gets no closer. Another hmmm.....

Unable to shoot the bird, they turn their attention to the dense jungle. It doesn't take long before they are confronted with... MORE MUSHROOMS! Yeah! Even though just 10 minutes before they swore they wouldn't eat any of these fleshy delights, they are tempted by their sheer number at arm's length.

Now, for my best guess, these mushrooms look like very large, slightly discolored Fall Oysters (Panellus serotinus). Thankfully for them, they are distracted by something huge lumbering in the distance. After a few tense moments they convince themselves that they must be seeing things.

That night all seven return to their wrecked ship. Tensions begin to get high as they still don't have any food except for the few cans they have in storage... which is now kept under lock and key. When everyone else is sleeping Mr. Kasai sneaks out to break into the rations when he is attacked (offscreen, come on... I want to see the monster) by something awful which slowly begins chasing him down one of the boat's corridors. This wakes up the rest of the crew, and then, around the 51 minute mark, we get to see...

Here it comes. Fear personified. A grotesque, rambling, MUSHROOM BEAST!

Business has just picked up!

Next time: Part 4, Something Exciting Must Happen After the Mushroom Beast, Right?

(You can catch up on all the Matango posts, here.)

Matango, Part 2: Welcome to the Island

Well here we are... Part 2 of Matango. You may remember in our first descent into Matango: Attack of the Mushroom People, we saw our band of seven seagoers' day of pleasure rudely interrupted by a storm that wrecked their yacht and sent them floating helplessly toward a mysterious island. It's here that we pick up the story. (Approximately at the 20:00 minute mark.)

Dragging themselves to the shores of the island they immediately are suspicious of their new habitat. Lots of fog and a rocky slope into a dark, tree-covered forest will do that to you. They also see the ghost ship-of-death that they weren't so concerned with before. Now they are a bit more wary.



They are given some hope however when they hear a trickle of water half way up the slope. Happy to find fresh water they stop for a drink before continuing higher. At the top they are able to see their derelict ship below them and decide to search if for shelter, food, and perhaps some answers as to where they are. I know... perhaps this is not a great idea, but it could be worse... it could be night.

Several of the men volunteer to board the ship as the others wait to be attacked... sorry, wait safely outside the hulking ship. Once aboard they are confronted with first, moss...



Then mold...



And then... are you ready?



Finally! At the 30:30 mark we have our first mushroom. Now, it's not rampaging or anything. It's actually quite docile sitting there in a large cabinet. But make no mistake... we've got a real live radiation-mutated mushroom. How do I know its' mutated? Well, in the scenes that follow they find a captain's log that describes how the last crew were on a scientific mission searching for ways to battle seawater pollution... or something like that. This mushroom is identified as "Matango." That's right... see how things are coming together?

After surveying the rooms of the ship, all seven board. Much of the ship is covered in a strange, red, pollen-like substance. They do find a box of tins filled with food. Some of them dive right in, gobbling them down with no thought for their fellow shipwrecked mates. Will Matango find them first? Sorry, I don't want to assume too much here.

Our crew decides to split up. (Of course.) One team goes to collect water. One team attempts to trawl the shore for fish. And one, armed with rifles they find on board, go into the woods to hunt for birds or whatever they can find. Before leaving though, they are smart enough to realize (which doesn't happen often in these kinds of movies) that the mushrooms should not be picked or eaten. They agree and venture out.

Next time: Part 3: What's Out There?

Matango, Part 1: The Shipwreck

So here begins our descent into Matango: Attack of the Mushroom People. If you happen to own a copy (like I'm sure most of you do) you can play along. Of course you could also just go here, to Internet Archive and watch it for free as part of its public domain database... which makes me feel so swell that I doled out money for my copy. Anyway, we'll be watching up to about the 20 minute mark. And not to spoil the surprise, but we won't come across any attacking Mushroom People in Part 1. Unfortunately.

Our adventure opens in the psychiatric ward of the Tokyo Medical Center. Here we introduced to one of the survivors of the horror we're about to witness. I'm not sure if it's the English translations or the fact that he's in this ward, but he doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Actually I don't know who he's even talking to. He sort of says the following -

"She's dead. The other too. Actually only one dead. Yes, they're all alive. If I told you the truth you'd believe I was insane too."

And as we try to unravel this conundrum, we're suddenly whisked away to the open sea. It's a beautiful day. A yacht rollicks through the waves and the text of the opening credits. We are introduced to our 7 future fungus snacks... I mean seagoers. They are:

Mr. Koyama, the sailor (Think Gilligan)

Mr. Kasai, owner of the yacht (Think Mr. Howell)

Miss Sekiguchi, the singer (Think Ginger)

Ms. Soma, the university clerk (Think Mary Ann)

Mr. Murai, the university professor (Well, the Professor)

Mr. Kasai, the skipper (Yup, the Skipper)

and

Mr. Yoshida, the writer (Hmm... well, that one doesn't fit, but you can imagine Mrs. Howell if you'd like)

It's Mr. Yoshida who leads off the festivities. It seems he brought his manuscript with him which promptly blows overboard, the pages helplessly floating down to the ocean below. Everyone thinks this is funny and laugh at him. No one really tries to help retrieve the pages. Oh well, there goes his favorite story.

Why be sad on such a wonderful day? It's sunny. The salt water is splashing about you. And Miss Mami Sekiguchi has a ukulele and she's about to sing a classic seafaring shanty. In fact we can sing along. Here are the lyrics:

La la

That's right. You only need to know one word. La. You just sing it over and over and over. I tried to count how many times she sings it and I got up around 114. It's hard to count because several times they break away from her to show some of the male characters admiring her looks. But let's say 114.

Unfortunately our happy joyride turns sour. Ominous clouds appear. Suddenly the yacht is thrown side to side as lightning strikes. The la-la song is over and concerns now turn to the destruction of the boat. Much sadness and panic ensues.

The next morning is calm again, the storm ended. But they are afloat on the ocean, drifting where the tide will bring them. Down below, they sulk as they listen to a radio report announcing that they are missing at sea. Tensions rise as they ponder what will become of them. Above deck, Mr. Yoshida sees a hulk of a ship, bearing down on them, about to rip their tiny yacht to smithereens. He screams. Oh, hold on. It doesn't appear to be a real ship. That's the good news. The bad news is that it seems to be a black, haunted, ghost-ship-of-death that vanishes into thin air. At least that's what it looked like to me. No one seemed to be that concerned about it though.

They continue to drift until finally they see land. Japan? Not really. But some sort of land. They all come above deck to see what their future holds. Evil Mushrooms! No, not yet... but we're getting there.

This should get you to about the 19 minute and 30 second mark. I know, I know... you can't stand it! We must go on! Patience my friends. All good things in time.

Next Time. Part 2: The Island.

Matango: Attack of the Mushroom People

Let's see... it's the early 60's and a group of seven people (including a skipper, university professor, sultry performer, and wealthy businessman) take a cruise only to get caught in a storm and shipwrecked on a deserted island. Gilligan's... hold on! There are also scores of mutated, deadly, and monstrous mushrooms on the island. So unless I missed that particular episode of a well known sitcom, I must be talking about the classic TOHO production of Matango: Attack of the Mushroom People. Or Curse of the Mushroom People. Or Matango: Fungus of Terror. By whatever title it goes by, it stands as the gold standard... or mold standard... of monster mushroom movies. Sure, it might be the only one but that doesn't disqualify it from being MycoBabble's favorite film.

Released in 1963 and directed by Ishiro Honda (Duel of the Gargantuas, Mechagodzilla vs. Godzilla, Yog: Monster from Space, amongst others) Matango is the account of what can happen when humans and mushrooms mix in unpleasant ways. It also provides great insight into the "Gee, I'm dying of starvation, but I'm surrounded by a forest full of huge, fleshy mushrooms. Should I eat them?" debate.

Despite it's somewhat goofy (USA) title, this is a terrific monster movie. Atmospheric with a great score and terrific set pieces, this is one of those movies that would put a scare into you as part of a weekend's Creature Double Feature on the local TV stations. Oh sure, the monster mushrooms look a little like something out of Sid and Marty Krofft's H.R. Pufnstuf, but that's easy to forgive.

Over the coming months we'll take a closer look at Matango. (In fact, I've even given it it's own label so all the Matango madness is only a link away.) If you'd like to play along, you can buy a copy of the DVD (which features an English dubbed version as well as a commentary) here through Amazon.

UP NEXT: Ukuleles! Psychiatric wards! The cruise begins!

Coming Soon to MycoBabble!

Keep checking back as soon we'll begin our descent into... MATANGO!